Love Language #5 by Gary D. Chapman
Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.In Adulthood, For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse
Tiny tactile receptors are located throughout the body. When those receptors are touched or pressed, nerves carry impulses to the brain. The brain interprets these impulses and we perceive that the thing that touched us is warm or cold, hard or soft. It causes pain or pleasure. We may also interpret it as loving or hostile. Sexual intercourse, however, is only one dialect in the love language of physical touch.
Physical touch can make or break a relationship ie neurological basis of the sense of touch and its psychological importance can communicate hate or love.Your spouse may find some touches uncomfortable or irritating.
GUYS Dont insist on touching her in your way and in your time. Learn to speak her love dialect. Dont make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her.Explicit or Implicit.
Remember You are learning to speak his/her language and so it might be a long trial and error process with frequent fair feedback .
THE BODY IS FOR TOUCHING-but not for abuse
To touch my body is to touch me. To withdraw from my body is to distance yourself from me emotionally and it stems fromm the fact When on rare occasions one man refuses to shake hands with another, it communicates a message that things are not right in their relationship. All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting.
There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to touch members of the opposite sex in every society , whether in public or in private it the cultural and personal aspect that matters
Those who do not object todays openness and freedom. on moral grounds eventually object on emotional grounds.Something about our need for intimacy and love does not allow us to give our spouse such freedom.The emotional pain is deep and intimacy evaporates when we are aware that our spouse is involved with someone else sexually.That for which he longs so deeplylove expressed by physical touch is now being given to another; making the emotional love tank not just empty; but has been riddled by an explosion; ultimately requiring lots of effort to repair.
CRISIS AND PHYSICAL TOUCH
Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? Because physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything, we need to feel loved. We cannot always change events, but we can survive if we feel loved.Death Disease and Disappointments are a part of life. The most important thing you can do for your mate in a time of crisis is to love him or her.Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you really care and will be remembered
One might say ‘Spending time with me is what made me feel loved and appreciated, giving me attention. It really didnt matter whether we hugged or kissed. As long as he gave me his attention, I felt loved’
while the other would decide not take the initiative to reach out and touch for fear of rejection, feeling of unwanted, and unloved, insecure about the response , all the while having no idea about the feelings and expectations.
Very few seem to possess all the commonalities that are supposed to assure fewer conflicts in marriage.
Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical but everything to do with meeting emotional needs.
For the male, sexual desire is physically based. That is, the desire for sexual intercourse is stimulated by the buildup of sperm cells and seminal fluid in the seminal vesicles. When the seminal vesicles are full, there is a physical push for release. Thus, the males desire for sexual intercourse has a physical root.But if he does not enjoy physical touch at other times and in nonsexual ways, it may not be his Primary love language at all.Sexual desire is quite different from his emotional need to feel loved
For the female, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology. There is nothing physically that builds up and pushes her to have intercourse. Her desire is emotionally based. If she feels loved and admired and appreciated by her husband, then she has a desire to be physically intimate with him. But without the emotional closeness she may have little physical desire.
Its not how fast you learn it but how well you learn it that matters
Discovering the primary love language of your spouse is essential if you are to keep his/her emotional love tank full. But first, make sure you know your own emotional love languages, Words of Affirmation , Quality Time , Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch
What is your primary love language? What makes you feel most loved by your spouse? What do you desire above all else? If the answer to those questions does not leap to your mind immediately, perhaps it will help to look at the negative use of love languages. What does your spouse do or say or fail to do or say that hurts you deeply?