Loving your children : Garry Chapman


When you dont know their primary love language, pour on all five and you are bound to hit it; but if you observe their behavior, you can learn their primary love language rather early.
Adults struggle with self-esteem and feel unloved all their lives when their primary love language is violated in  a detrimental manner during childhood. Many do not remember much of what their parents said, but they do remember what their parents did.
Observe your children. Watch how they express love to others. That is a clue to their love language.
As parents, we often try to pour all of our children into the same mold.
The problem is that each child is different, and what communicates love to one child may not communicate love to another.

Negative, critical, demeaning words strike terror to  psyche. As the child gets older, we tend to condemn him for his failures rather than commend him for his successes, and this empties his emotional love tank.
QUALITY TIME :You must get down on the childs level if you eventually want to lead him to the adult world;enter into those new interests  he/she devlops if you want to meet his/her needs; giving undivided attention showing you care and really enjoy being with them and it is important for you !When you do not give attention in early days they are likely to seek the attention of peers during the adolescent years and turn away from parents who may at that time desperately desire more time with their children.
Unless Gift is the primary love language of the child, gifts may mean little emotionally to the child. The parent has good intentions, but he/she is not meeting the emotional needs of the child by giving gifts
If the gifts you give are quickly laid aside, if the child seldom says thank you, if the child does not take care of the gifts that you have given, if she does not prize those gifts, chances are Receiving Gifts is not her primary love language. If, on the other hand, your child responds to you with much thanksgiving, if she shows others the gift and tells others how wonderful you are for buying the gift, if she takes care of the gift, if she puts it in a place of prominence in her room and keeps it polished, if she plays with it often over an extended period of time, then perhaps Receiving Gifts is her primary love language.
If your child is often expressing appreciation for ordinary acts of service, that is a clue that they are emotionally important to him or her. Your acts of service are communicating love in a meaningful way. When you help him with a science project, it means more than a good grade. It means My parent loves me. When you fix a bicycle, you do more than get him back on wheels. You send him away with a full tank.
Babies who are handled often develop better emotionally than babies who are not.Your teenager may not appreciate such behavior in the presence of peers, but that doesnt mean that he does not want to be touched, especially if it is his primary love language.

Most parents sincerely love their children at the same time thousands of parents have failed to communicate love in the proper language and lots of children out there are living with an empty emotional tank.

Perhaps you do not feel loved by your older children and that is When you realize that the change is necessary
Try saying I have tried to show you my love by _______, but Im now realizing that that probably has not communicated love to you, that your love language is probably something different. I am beginning to think that your love language is probably _______. You know, I really do love you, and I hope that in the future I can express it to you in better ways