Stevens Computing Services – Humor me!
Four Basic Management Lessons:
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
To be sitting around, doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?”, replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
A woman was leaving the shower just as her husband was ready to enter it, when the doorbell rang. She quickly wrapped herself in a towel and ran downstairs.
When she opened the door, there stood Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she could say a word, Bob said, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman dropped her towel and stood naked before Bob. After a few seconds, Bob handed her $800 and left.
The woman wrapped herself in the towel again and went back upstairs. When she got to the bathroom, her husband asked, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replied.
“Great,” said the husband, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
You may not be able to prevent avoidable exposure if you fail to disclose critical information pertaining to credit and risk to your shareholders in a timely manner.
Lesson Number Four
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”
The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss.
So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat around and passed out the shit!
You don’t need brains to be the Boss – any asshole will do.
Lesson Number Five
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird’s singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!