The Four Agreements

    1. Be impeccable with your word.

    2. Don’t take anything personally.

    3. Don’t make assumptions.

    4. Always do your best.
don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom


what to do !

    1. Be Impeccable With Your Word

    Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
    2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

    Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
    3. Don’t Make Assumptions

    Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
    4. Always Do Your Best

    Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Don Miguel Ruiz

HBR. on Trust…

The Three Elements of Trust

By understanding the behaviors that underlie trust, leaders are better able to elevate the level of trust that others feel toward them. Here are the three elements.

Positive Relationships. Trust is in part based on the extent to which a leader is able to create positive relationships with other people and groups. To instill trust a leader must:

Stay in touch on the issues and concerns of others.

Balance results with concern for others.

Generate cooperation between others.

Resolve conflict with others.

Give honest feedback in a helpful way.

Good Judgement/Expertise. Another factor in whether people trust a leader is the extent to which a leader is well-informed and knowledgeable. They must understand the technical aspects of the work as well as have a depth of experience. This means:

They use good judgement when making decisions.

Others trust their ideas and opinions.

Others seek after their opinions.

Their knowledge and expertise make an important contribution to achieving results.

Can anticipate and respond quickly to problems.

Consistency. The final element of trust is the extent to which leaders walk their talk and do what they say they will do. People rate a leader high in trust if they:

Are a role model and set a good example.

Walk the talk.

Honor commitments and keep promises.

Follow through on commitments.

Are willing to go above and beyond what needs to be done.

We wanted to understand how these three elements interacted to create the likelihood that people would trust a leader. We created three indices for each element and since we had such a large dataset, we experimented with how performance on each of the dimensions impacted the overall trust score. In our study we found that if a leader scored at or above the 60th percentile on all three factors, their overall trust score was at the 80th percentile.

We compared high scores (above 60th percentile) and low scores (below the 40th percentile) to examine the impact these had on the three elements that enabled trust. Note that these levels are not extremely high or low. Basically, they are 10 percentile points above and below the norm. This is important because it means that being just above average on these skills can have a profound positive effect and, conversely, just being below average can destroy trust.

We also found that level of trust is highly correlated with how people rate a leader’s overall leadership effectiveness. It has the strongest impact on the direct reports’ and peer overall ratings. The manager’s ratings and the engagement ratings were not as highly correlated, but all the differences are statistically significant.

Do You Need All Three Elements of Trust?

We were also curious to know if leaders needed to be skilled in all three elements to generate a high level of trust and whether any one element had the most significant impact on the trust rating. To gauge this, we created an experiment where we separated leaders into high and low levels on each of the three pillars and then measured the level of trust.

Intuitively we thought that consistency would be the most important element. Saying one thing and doing another seems like it would hurt trust the most. While our analysis showed that inconsistency does have a negative impact (trust went down 17 points), it was relationships that had the most substantial impact. When relationships were low and both judgment and consistency were high, trust went down 33 points. This may be because many leaders are seen as occasionally inconsistent. We all intend to do things that don’t get done, but once a relationship is damaged or if it was never formed in the first place, it’s difficult for people to trust.

We often tell people that they don’t need to be perfect to be an excellent leader but when it comes to trust, all three of these elements need to be above average. Remember that, in our analysis, we set the bar fairly low: at the 60th percentile. This is not a brilliant level of performance, barely above average.

We have regularly found in our research that if a leader has a preference for a particular skill, they are more likely to perform better at it. Think about which of these elements of trust you have a stronger preference for – and which you prefer least. Because you need to be above average on each, it is probably worth your time to focus on improving the latter.

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stress – work less focus on hobby more- hbr

Why You Should Work Less and Spend More Time on Hobbies

Gaetano DiNardi

February 07, 2019


Tara Moore/Getty Images

As professionals around the world feel increasingly pressed for time, they’re giving up on things that matter to them. A recent HBR article noted that in surveys, most people “could name several activities, such as pursuing a hobby, that they’d like to have time for.”

This is more significant than it may sound, because it isn’t just individuals who are missing out. When people don’t have time for hobbies, businesses pay a price. Hobbies can make workers substantially better at their jobs. I know this from personal experience. I’ve always loved playing the guitar and composing. But just like workers everywhere, I can fall into the trap of feeling that I have no time to engage in it. As head of demand generation for Nextiva, I have enough on my plate to keep me busy around the clock. I can easily fall into the trap of the “72-hour workweek,” which takes into account time people spend connected to work on our phones outside of official work hours.

When I crash, there’s always the temptation to do something sedentary and mindless. It’s little surprise that watching TV is by far the most popular use of leisure time in the U.S. and tops the list elsewhere as well, including Germany and England.

But by spending time on music, I boost some of my most important workplace skills.

Creativity. To stand out and compete in today’s crowded and constantly changing business environment, organizations need new, innovative ideas that will rise above the noise. I’m tasked with constantly looking for new ways to attract attention from potential buyers. But coming up with a fully original idea can be difficult when your mind is filled with targets, metrics, and deadlines.

A creative hobby pulls you out of all that. Whether you’re a musician, artist, writer, or cook, you often start with a blank canvas in your mind. You simply think: What will I create that will evoke the emotion I’m going for?

It’s no surprise that by giving yourself this mental space, and focusing on feelings, you can reawaken your creativity. Neuroscientists have found that rational thought and emotions involve different parts of the brain. For the floodgates of creativity to open, both must be in play.

Perspective. One of the trickiest tasks in the creative process is thinking through how someone else would experience your idea. But in doing creative hobbies, people think that way all the time. A potter imagines how the recipient of a vase would respond to it. A mystery novelist considers whether an unsuspecting reader will be surprised by a plot twist.

When I take a break from work to go make music, I reconnect with that perspective. I keep thinking about how someone hearing my song for the first time might respond. I do all I can to see (or hear) the world through someone else’s eyes (or ears). Then, when I resume the work project, I take that mentality with me.

Confidence. When I face a tough challenge at work and feel stymied, I can start to question whether I’ll ever figure out a successful solution. It’s easy to lose creative confidence. But after an hour of shredding on the guitar, hitting notes perfectly, I’m feeling good. I can tell that my brain was craving that kind of satisfaction. And when I face that work project again, I bring the confidence with me.

It turns out people like me have been studied. In one study, researchers found that “creative activity was positively associated with recovery experiences (i.e., mastery, control, and relaxation) and performance‐related outcomes (i.e., job creativity and extra‐role behaviors).” In fact, they wrote, “Creative activity while away from work may be a leisure activity that provides employees essential resources to perform at a high level.”

So to my fellow professionals, I highly recommend taking some time to keep up your creative hobby. It doesn’t have to be long. A study found that spending 45 minutes making art helps boost someone’s confidence and ability to complete tasks.

I also suggest you encourage your business to celebrate employees’ hobbies. Zappos puts employee artwork up on its walls and encourages people to decorate their desks in whatever ways they wish. Some businesses hold talent shows. Even employees who may not have these kinds of talents should be encouraged to do something that feels creative and fun. Some CEOs spend time on their own hobbies, setting the right example.

And when you find a little time for a creative hobby break, make it guilt free. After all, when you do this, everyone stands to gain.

Gaetano DiNardi is the Director of Demand Generation at Nextiva.

elephants teach us to



10 Lessons Of Love We Can Learn From Elephants

We take a look at what elephants can teach us about relationships.

by Lucy Moore | 22 September 2017

Today is World Elephant Appreciation Day, so we take a look at the lessons we can learn about relationships from the complex sets of social skills in elephants.

They grieve for their loved ones

Show your emotions- Elephants show humour, co-operation, self-awareness and playfulness. There is nothing wrong with being emotionally honest with your partner- in fact it brings you closer together as you can be vulnerable together.

People don’t say ‘laughing is the best medicine’ for nothing- it really is the best tonic for any relationship.

Being aware of your own needs and desires is important to communicate to your partner- you may be a couple; however you still bring individual traits to the relationship.

Every couple needs to be playful at times, to alleviate stress and to momentarily forget about their responsibilities. ‘All work and no play’– as the saying goes.

Finally, co-operation is essential for a peaceful relationship- to show mutual support for one another to reach the same goal.

Joy- Elephants have no shame in showing when they are happy with their loved ones and greet those most precious to them with expressions of joy. If you are enjoying your time with your partner- tell them- better yet- show them that you value the moments you spend together and that you are happy to be with them. If we are not careful, we can fixate on all the things that go wrong rather than appreciating the small moments of joy in between. It is important to acknowledge them to reinforce why you’re together.

The power of touch- Elephants frequently touch and caress one another and make contact by entwining their trunks. Touch is a very powerful force in a relationship. It shows your partner that you want to be physically close to them, communicates protection and safety and that you still find them desirable.

Reassurance- Elephants reassure one another in times of uncertainty and fear. It is important that in a couple- you reassure each other even if you secretly have doubts over the future as it gets you through the tougher times.

Team work- Elephants demonstrate team work with each other all the time. Team work is essential in any relationship. Whether it’s pulling together to arrange an event, to decorate your shared living quarters or to simply cook a meal- it’s very important that lovers work effectively as a pair to be successful.

Curiosity- Elephants are naturally curious creatures. Curiosity that drives you to start rifling through your partner’s stuff may be taking things too far; however a mild curiosity makes you learn things about your partner that you might not have ordinarily discovered.

Creativity- Elephants are imaginative animals- and have been captured working with humans to generate something creative on many an occasion. Even for couples who don’t consider themselves creative in their hobbies and interests; a certain amount of creativity is key to the success of relationship. Couples have to come up with new ideas all the time to keep their relationship fresh and interesting. Creativity can be simply thinking of something to do on a free Saturday or on an evening when you are both looking to be entertained.

Compassion- Studies have found that elephants make allowances for those closest to them. Showing your partner compassion demonstrates an ability to see life from their point of view. If your partner is sick- understanding that they might not be able to function at their normal pace means a great deal to them.

Altruism- There have been countless stories of elephants caring for other injured species. We can all take a leaf from their book. Not only should you care for your partner but their family and friends too. If their loved ones are hurt or upset, you should care for them with the same gusto as you would your partner. They are your extended family after all.

Grief- Elephants are renowned for mourning their loved ones. It is important if your partner suffers a loss in their family, that you are there for them- for as long as it takes. Grieving shows that you feel their sense of loss and that you also developed an attachment to their loved one in the time you knew them.

by Lucy Moore for

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Why should we be dependent on another’s opinion of us?


Live well

தனது குடும்பம் என்ற ஒரு பத்து பேர், தனது நண்பனும் பகைவனும் என்ற பத்து பேர், தனது தொழிலில் ஒரு பத்து பேர், தனது வீதியில் ஒரு பத்து பேர், தனது ஜாதியில் ஒரு அறுபது பேர்..!!
இந்த நூறு பேரின் நடுவில் தன்னை உயர்த்திக் காட்டிக் கொள்வதும், பாசமாக, நட்பாக, அன்பாக, வீரனாக, நல்லவனாக  காட்டிக் கொள்வதுமே மனித வாழ்வின் குறிக்கோள் என்று இந்த கேடுகெட்ட சமுதாயம் மனிதர்களுக்கு போதிக்கிறது.
எல்லாவற்றையும் அவர்களோடு ஒப்பிட்டு பார்த்து  அதைவிட ஒரு படியேனும் அதிகமாக இருக்க வேண்டும் அப்போதுதான் மதிப்பு என்று போலியான வாழ்க்கை வாழ கட்டாயப்படுத்துகிறது.
அவன் அப்படி, இவன் இப்படி என்று பிறரை விமர்சனம் செய்யச் சொல்கிறது. பொருளாதார ரீதியாக தன்னிறைவு அடைந்ததும் பிறரை ஏளனமாக, கேவலமாக நினைக்கச் சொல்கிறது.
இந்த நூறு பேரின் நடுவில் ஏற்படும் அவமானமும், கோபமும், கௌரவமும் மட்டுமே ஒருவனை பாதிக்கின்றன. இதற்காக தன்னுடைய அத்தனை ஆசாபாசங்களையும் அடக்கி வைத்து, மனித ஜடமாக  வாழும் பலருக்கு இந்த பூமிப் பந்து எழுநூறு கோடி மக்களால் ஆனது என்பது தெரிவதில்லை.
என்னுடைய தாத்தாவின் தாத்தா எப்படி இருந்தார் என்பது எனக்குத் தெரியாது! 
எப்படி வாழ்ந்தார் என்பது எனக்குத் தெரியாது!! 
அவர் நல்லவரா கெட்டவரா எனக்குத் தெரியாது!!
அவர் பெயர் கூட எங்கள் தெருவில் பலருக்குத் தெரியாது, எங்கள் ஊரில் யாருக்கும் தெரியாது!! 
இதே நிலை எனக்கும் ஒரு நாள் வரும்!
நான் இந்த பூமியில் வாழ்ந்ததற்கான அடையாளம் அத்தனையும் கால ஓட்டத்தில் மறையும்!!
ஆக எதற்காக இந்த நூறு பேரின் அங்கீகாரக்தை நான் கண்டுகொள்ள வேண்டும்????
யார் இவர்கள்????
என்னுடைய வாழ்க்கையில் யாரெல்லாம் வர வேண்டும், வரக்கூடாது என்பதை தீர்மானிக்க இவர்கள் யார்????
நான் இன்னும் ஆயிரம் ஆண்டுகளுக்கு வாழப் போவதில்லை!
அதிகபட்சம் இன்னும் சில ஆண்டுகள்!
அதுவும் வெகு தொலைவில் இல்லை!
சர்வமும் ஒருநாள் அழியும்!
மனித வாழ்க்கை அற்புதமானது. அழகானது!
கலாச்சாரம், பண்பாடு, பாரம்பரியம் என்று தத்தமது வாழ்க்கையை யாரும் போலியாக வீணடித்து விடாதீர்கள்.
வாழ்க்கை ஒரே ஒரு முறைதான்!
தோற்றால் பரவாயில்லை, ஆனால் பங்கெடுக்காமலேயே அழிந்து விடாதீர்கள்.
நம் தாத்தாவின் தாத்தாவை நாம் பார்த்ததில்லை. அதேபோல் நம் பேரனின் பேரனை நாம் பார்க்க இருக்கப்போவதில்லை. இது தான் வாழ்க்கை.
*”பிறரை வஞ்சிக்காமல் தொந்தரவு செய்யாமல் எவ்வளவு இயலுமோ அவ்வளவு மகிழ்ச்சியாய் வாழ்ந்துவிட்டு செல்லுங்கள்”*
200 பேர்கள் கூடியிருந்த அரங்கத்தில் ஒரு பேச்சாளார் ஒரு 500 ரூபாய் நோட்டைக் காட்டி

” யாருக்கு இது’ பிடிக்கும்?” எனக் கேட்டார்.

கூடியிருந்த அனைவரும் தனக்கு பிடிக்குமென கையை தூக்கினர்.

பேச்சாளார் “உங்களில் ஒருவருக்கு இந்த 500 ரூபாயைத் தருகிறேன் ஆனால் அதற்கு முன்” என சொல்லி

அந்த 500 ரூபாயைக் கசக்கி சுருட்டினார். பிறகு அதை சரி செய்து

“இப்போதும் இதன் மீது உங்களுக்கு இன்னும் விருப்பம் இருக்கிறதா?” என்றார்.

அனைவரும் கையைத் தூக்கினர்.

அவர் அந்த ரூபாய் நோட்டை தரையில் போட்டு காலால் நசுக்கி அந்த அழுக்கான நோட்டை காட்டி

“இன்னும் இதன் மேல் உங்களுக்கு விருப்பம் இருக்கிறதா? என்றார்.

அனைவரும் இப்போதும் கைகளை தூக்கினர்.

அவர் தொடர்ந்தார் “கேவலம் ஒரு 500 ரூபாய்தாள் பல முறை கசங்கியும் மிதிபட்டும் அழுக்கடைந்தும்

அதன் மதிப்பை இழக்கவில்லை.

ஆனால் மனிதர்களாகிய நாம் அவமானப் படும் போதும் ,தோல்விகளை சந்திக்கும் போதும் மனமுடைந்து போய் நம்மை நாமே தாழ்த்தி கொள்கிறோம் .

நம்முடைய மதிப்பு என்றைக்கும் குறைவதில்லை. நீங்கள் தனித்துவமானவர்.

இவ்வுலகில் உள்ள ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் ஒவ்வொரு தனித் தன்மை இருக்கும்.

அதன் மதிப்பு என்றைக்கும் குறைவதில்லை. வாழ்கை என்ற பயிர்க்கு

தைரியமும் தன்னம்பிக்கையும் தான் உரம்.

ஆகையால் தன்னம்பிக்கையை இழக்காமல் வாழுங்கள் 


*அழகான வரிகள் பத்து*. 

1, அறிமுகம் இல்லாதவர்களின் பார்வையில்.. நாம் எல்லோரும் *சாதாரண மனிதர்கள்* 2,பொறாமைக்காரரின் பார்வையில்.. நாம் அனைவரும் *அகந்தையாளர்கள்* 3. நம்மைப் புரிந்து கொண்டோரின் பார்வையில்.. நாம் *அற்புதமானவர்கள்* 4,நேசிப்போரின் பார்வையில்.. நாம் *தனிச் சிறப்பானவர்கள்* 5,காழ்ப்புனர்ச்சி கொண்டவர்களின் பார்வையில்.. நாம் *கெட்டவர்கள்* 

7. சுயநலவாதிகளின் பார்வையில் நாம்… *ஒழிக்கப்பட வேண்டியவர்கள்*

 8. சந்தர்ப்பவாதிகளின் பார்வையில் நாம் *ஏமாளிகள்* 

9. எதையும் புரிந்து கொள்ளாதவர்கள் பார்வையில் நாம் *குழப்பவாதிகள்* 

10. கோழைகளின் பார்வையில் நாம் *அவசரக்குடுக்கைகள்* நம்மை பற்றி ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் ஒரு தனியான பார்வை உண்டு. ஆதலால் – பிறரிடம் உங்கள் பிம்பத்தை அழகாக்கிக் காட்ட *சிரமப்படாதீர்கள்* மற்றவர்கள் உங்களை புரிந்துகொள்ளாவிட்டாலும்…… *நீங்கள் நீங்களாகவே இருங்கள்* மனிதர்களை திருப்திப்படுத்துதல் என்பது எட்ட முடியாத இலக்கு… இந்த மனிதர்களிடம் *எட்ட முடியாததை விட்டு விடுங்கள்!* *அடைய வேண்டியதை விட்டு விடாதீர்கள்…!* எப்போதும் நேர்மையும் தைரியமும் உங்கள் சொத்தாக இருக்கட்டும. *படித்ததில் பிடித்தது பகிர்கிறேன்*  ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,